I’m just going to put this out there. If you want to deny that any actions you’ve taken part in are relevant because you didn’t mean for them to hurt any one, you’re seriously in denial. Also, when you chose to downplay your responsibility in a situation because you didn’t ‘instigate it’, you are still guilty.
You are the actions you chose to let happen and actively play a role in. I don’t blame either party more than the other. As adults, we all realize what behaviour is acceptable and you realize but you may not accept the role you have played in the deterioration of this situation.
Regardless, you’re admiration of sympathy has led you to weave a complex web that you will inevitably entrap yourself in. And I wish you the very best. I however, will not be around to cut you out. Best of luck my friend.